Monday, September 15, 2014

I don’t hate Beyoncé. Really, I don’t. I have some of her music on my iPod, and I jam out shamelessly to songs like “Best Thing I Never Had” and “Halo” on my drives to school. She’s talented; I don’t think anyone’s denying that. What I am denying, however—vehemently, I might add—is that she’s the “queen of the universe,” as so many of my social media friends have labeled her. Every time she has a major performance (e.g. the Super Bowl, the VMAs, etc.) I can always count on statuses like these polluting my newsfeed:

“Everyone who’s hating on Bey right now is just gonna have to suffer the consequences when she becomes queen of the world.”


“UGH QUEEN B UR SO MUCH I CANT EVEN RIGHT NOW SHES JUST PERFECT #getitgirl” (Yes, imagine these statuses multiplied by about 14.)

Let’s review her qualifications for being “queen,” shall we? She can sing, she can dance, she’s a good performer, and, yes, she’s beautiful and in incredible shape. I’m sure if she were queen of the world the music industry would be better for it. I don’t know how she’d go about solving problems like homelessness, the economic recession, and war with her riffs and runs, but it’s a fun idea to think about…at least for the people who aren’t serious about her status as “queen of the world.”

But then, I realize that people like this exist and I have to take a few Tums to quell my instant rage-driven heartburn:

Yes, a student actually wrote a letter to her professor asking to be excused from class so that she could celebrate “The Lord’s Day” (i.e. Beyoncé’s birthday).

W h a t.

At first I thought it was a hoax. It was wishful thinking, really, because I shudder to think that someone like this would be granted permission to procreate and that several generations of lunatics might succeed her. But if you read below, she justifies her lunacy by saying, “Some have been calling me crazy, others have been thanking me because it really should be a holiday. As for those calling me crazy: I don’t understand why, because if they can miss class for staying up partying and drinking all night why can’t I miss class for Beyoncé’s birthday?”

First of all, you CAN’T miss a class because you were up partying and drinking all night. That wouldn’t be an excused absence, you moron. Secondly, do you take off for your parents’ birthdays, as well? If not, then I guess that, by logic, you’re saying Beyoncé’s birthday is more important than your parents’. If I were her parents I’d stop paying her tuition, and suggest that she petition her “Lord” to pay it, since she’s the QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE.

Here’s my problem. Yes, Beyoncé can sing, dance, and perform well. But so can 98% of the Broadway population, and I’ve never seen anyone nominate any of them for king/queen of the universe. I personally don’t think anything she does is monumentally impressive (i.e. she can never sing and dance at the same time, whereas the cast members of Newsies on Broadway were doing backflips off the stage while belting out high As), but I write about this because it is symptomatic of an issue I raised in my first blog post last semester: celebrity worship.

Celebrity worship is poisonous, and it needs to end. This culture of Beyoncé fans who are actually convinced that she’s infallible and can do no wrong all because she can dance and put on a good show alarm me. Every now and then, I think BuzzFeed should post something with a title along the lines of, “17 Reasons Why Celebrities Are *JUST* Human Beings” or “ 40 Reasons We Shouldn’t Immortalize People for Being Talented.”

Anyone want to take the initiative? I won’t be able to, because Josh Groban’s birthday was in February, and I’m still celebrating.

--Alex Hajjar

1 comment:

  1. Relevant: