[Say hello to the Boylan Blog readers, be polite, don't scare the reader away, we want them to feel welcome]!
[Make some comment about how spring is most assuredly on its way], [try not to mention how you walked home in the pouring rain the other night and you just generally prefer the snow, it won't do any good], [reiterate how harsh the winter was so our readers know you're coming from the same place as they are].
[Insert a .gif or a picture of a cute animal, spring themed, that'll bring the cuteness factor]
[Put forth a sincere thank you to everybody who submitted to The Junction, our magazine, and say that we're currently reviewing all the pieces we've received and are very grateful to everyone who has shared a part of themselves with us. Be personable. Also mention that we're still accepting art submissions, and that if anyone wants to submit art they should email it as an attachment to firstname.lastname@example.org]
[Say that there is an announcement (not really serious announcement, end with a light-hearted exclamation point or something]!
[Announcement one concerns the paid internship opportunity being offered by the Wellspring Advisors in the areas of philanthropy, social justice, and human rights. (Do not forget that oxford comma.) The internship runs from May 18th to August 15th and applications should be sent to email@example.com]
[Tell our readers to have a good week. End with a joke. Be funny. You can be funny, right? If you can't be funny, insert a .gif. A cute photo isn't going to cut it if you can't be funny; the masses demand cute .gifs.]
|[Do not insert some joke about midterms here, about how spring break seems so close but there's this wall in your way; it'll just depress people. This kind of joke isn't funny; you should know this by now.]|
[Sign your name if you think anybody cares about it.]
— [Actually just don't, you probably don't want your name attached to such a shoddy greetings like this. Just walk away. Go on, get.]