Christopher LaSasso's Pointless Guide to Achieving Breakfast Enlightenment
My father likes to call me a “glutton for punishment,” because of how much I love milk. I don’t think I’m lactose intolerant but I’ve never handled milk well in any capacity. Milk is my archenemy, in all of its hormone-filled, calcium-enriched, splendor.
The reason I’m starting this week’s Currently Eating with my own milk-based struggles is because I’ve been on a cereal kick lately. A big cereal kick. Cereal is the world’s most accessible meal. Though there are countless arguments on the nutritional value of eating cereal for breakfast, I continue to eat it out of love.
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Just look at that protein.
11 grams. Oof.
Kellogg's Special K has really knocked it out of the park in recent years in terms of high-quality cereal. It isn’t that bad for you and also pretty tasty. One of my favorite finds has been: Kellogg's Special K Protein Cereal - Cinnamon Brown Sugar Crunch. This cereal is all the fun of Cinnamon Toast Crunch mixed with the satisfying texture and taste of Corn Pops. They’re little bite-sized nuggets of sweetness that soak up the milk like little sponges and explode with cinnamon flavor in every bite. I consider a successful cereal to do the following things:
- Sit comfortably on my spoon.
- Milk Absorption.
- Milk Infusion.
Let me explain. I’m what you call a man of the smaller spoon, meaning I prefer using a teaspoon to eat my cereal. I feel like it really gives me time to enjoy the cereal. I can fit a comfortable amount of actual cereal on the spoon with a controlled portion of milk. This leaves enough milk in the bowl for #3 on my Cereal checklist. When I say Milk Absorption; of course I mean the cereal's ability to soak up the milk. This is a pivotal part of the “cereal experience” because it determines the speed in which the cereal gets soggy. Some people like their cereal soggy and milk-infused, while others prefer to chew pieces of glass for fun (My preference should be quite clear). Finally, there’s what I call the Milk Infusion stage. This is the denouement of the cereal, where whatever flavor of cereal you just ate has now infused with the milk. This enhances that final swig of cold milk, cleaning out the bowl once and for all and bringing an end to another solid breakfast. Why wouldn’t you want your milk to taste like strawberries, cinnamon, peanut butter, or some other delicious flavor?
Kellogg's Special K Protein Cereal - Cinnamon Brown Sugar Crunch certainly passes all three qualifications for top tier cereal, in my opinion, so head on down to your local supermarket and grab yourself a box (unless you're vegan, then well… I guess you just will never experience this breakfast-centric euphoria).
Also shout-out to Professor Pollard with that OED hook-up.
The OED defines cereal as being Latin in origin, meaning “of or pertaining to corn or edible grain,” with a direct influence from the goddess of agriculture Ceres. The goddess of agriculture herself is infused into every bite of delicious, stomach-soothing, day-starting goodness that is cereal.
- Christopher L.