Monday, October 24, 2016

Illuminations 10.24.2016


I have had. . . quite the week. Last Monday, I encountered a cat who took it upon himself to follow my boyfriend and I to our apartment. Now, as a devout dog-lover, I associate cats with hissing, scratching, aberrant neuroticism, and scowling. No thank you. But Alan, who doesn’t share my feline prejudices, was completely bewitched as the cat meowed and rubbed up against our legs.

“Let’s. . . Let’s keep him tonight. We can call Sean Casey tomorrow and get this sorted.”

So I spent the breadth of Tuesday afternoon on the phone with every animal shelter (“He’s so sweet, someone will snatch him up in a heartbeat”), only to be told that each one was at capacity. Okay, fine, we’ll foster him for a month, since he’s so delightfully well-behaved, but we have to move him along. Wednesday, he had a name (I vied for “Captain Jack Sparrow-Eater,” but alas.), and I begrudgingly started to accept his presence. By Thursday, I burned with envy that he chose to take a nap on the entryway stairs instead of my lap.

Damn you Gomez, you handsome devil.


Yeah, I have a cat now. Yay(?)! 

Throughout the entire fiasco, I couldn’t help but hear Dylan Moran’s hilarious tirade regarding British politician Ed Miliband’s pushover nature:

“Can I, can I stay for a few days?”
“Well, er, you know, my wife’s-family’s-something or other-”
“LOOK ED, DON’T FUCK ME AROUND! . . . I want the big room.”
“Well uh. . . have you got pets?”
“Yeah I’ve got pets!”
“Well what?”
“Cats!”
“Uh, how many cats?”
“I DON’T KNOW ED, DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING CAT COUNTER TO YOU?!”

....What? Me avidly watch stand-up comedy? How shocking.

Now stay in your seats for this. . . I’m going to perform a short set at Tuesday’s Open Mic. Woohoo! Come laugh at me fail. No seriously, that’s how I improve.

I naturally gravitate towards more verbose and absurdist comedians, like Patton Oswalt (my hero), Paul F. Tompkins, Brian Regan, Maria Bamford, John Mulaney, I’ll quit while I’m ahead. But Mr. Moran is no exception.

bb same dylan moran bernard black

His ludicrous rants of modern malaise are what I find so endearing about his performances. Granted, YouTube personality Ryan Hollinger does a much better job describing the basis of  Moran’s appeal here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgkbboPvjM4

Now, having to explain the allure of a joke poisons the joke itself, so take a gander at some of his work.

Give him a shot, I dare you.

-Em

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