Monday, October 3, 2016

Illuminations 10.3.16


"It's hardly ever pretty and poetic in the moment: but life doesn't need a polish to be life. Every moment, from the mundane to tedious to chaotic to triumphant, does not need our glossing over to be sacred on its own."
-J.S. Park


Sometimes when I think about my own mind, I imagine it as a vast desert of—well, nothing. Yep, that's my mind: a complete and utter wasteland. And so oftentimes, to simulate some form of existence, I fill it up with all kinds of sweet nothings about the situations and circumstances of my life. . . Or, to put it more accurately, I fill it up with lies. 

Now, before you psychoanalyze my confessions, think about it: we all lie to ourselves, and it happens a lot more seamlessly than we might think. 

We lie to ourselves about EVERYTHING. We do it constantly and consistently. In fact, the most popular lies among millennials include: "Sorry, I can't come out tonight I have to do homework," "I'll start going to the gym this week," and the most notorious, "One more YouTube video and then I'll start studying."


But sometimes we tell ourselves deeper, more serious lies. We tell ourselves that we can handle a situation we know we can't, that we're okay when we know we're not. We ignore the things we feel and think about ourselves, the people around us, the situations we find ourselves in, etc. As a result, they not only don't get addressed, but they consume us. Worst of all, we believe the lies we tell ourselves and others so often, that we don't even recognize them as lies anymore. 

When I went through an old journal and found the J.S. Park quote, I realized how important it is for us to not only address our problems, but to embrace them. Every single element, fiber, feeling, or thought we have, every single thing we experience, is a part of who we are. And that includes the good, the bad, the ugly, the filthy, the pathetic, the amazing, the embarrassing, all of it. When we acknowledge our flaws, our faults, and our dirt, we become whole, fully-rounded human beings; we give ourselves a chance to experience life in its truest, most complete form. 

When I first thought of how I was gonna write this blog post, I thought of writing some detached, nuanced, philosophical argument told as if I know everything about the human psyche, and therefore have the authority to speak about honesty. But the truth is, I don't know everything, and if there's anything I'm the worst at, it's doing what I'm charging you all to do right now. But I'm deciding to practice what I preach, stand in the sun, and write this as plainly and honestly (no pun intended) as I possibly can. 

So, this is my first step. I know that being honest with yourself is much easier to write about than to actually do, but it, like everything else in life, takes practice. And if for anyone at all, do it for yourself. You deserve to know who you truly are.

Stay trill,

-Nathalie.


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