Monday, November 7, 2016

Illuminations 11.7.2016.

 

An Itemized List of Grievances 

The plague hath strucketh.

As it seems, I too have been infected with a lack of inspiration, much like what fellow boylanblogger Rachel has confessed to enduring. She coined her ailment a "thinking drought(?)," where I prefer the more- dare I say eloquent- term "The Fuckits."

Please excuse me as I untangle myself from my cat hair and crumb-riddled blanket; I haven't moved in five hours.


Since I'm off of any creative streak, I compiled a list of my trivial complaints for your amusement.

Ahem:

1. Can someone please explain to me why sneezing fits aren't referred to as "sneizures?" I'll wait.
2. Why is it that disposable coffee cups, which are equipped with lids, still manage to leak?
3. How has GE not taken advantage of Jack Donaghy's idea for a dishwasher with a clear door, much like a commercial washing machine? I want to watch the magic box clean my dishes!
4. Why are breakfast tacos not fashionable in New York? Seriously: Tortilla. Eggs. Sausage. Avocado. Salsa. Case closed, put the bagel down (YEAH I JUST WENT THERE!).
5. Who looked at the initial design for flatform Birkenstocks and thought "Yes! That's exactly what the world needs!" ?
6. Is there an exclusive acting school for the CW network? Or is every actor contractually obligated to portray dramatic moments with blank expressions?   
 supernatural ruby katie cassidy  
  supernatural  

HULU tv superman watching clark kent 
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Explain, because this is not acting. This is styled posing.  

7. Why is it not federally mandated that public high school students take a course on how to file their own taxes?  
8. Why the hell is Election Day not a federal holiday? 
9. Someone explain to me why Donald Trump's "Pussygate" was referred in the echo chamber as "the final straw?" Really? Everything else he touted beforehand was acceptable how? Oh, and you'll have to expound on this without using the Bed of Nails Theory for bonus points.
10. Why can I never remember the current date but I can accurately name each obscure character on Game of Thrones (Yoren. Illyrio. Mya Stone. Locke. Mirri Maz Duur. Howland Reed Etc. Point them out, I dare you.)? 
11. What's the difference between butterscotch and caramel? I know I can easily google this but I don't want to lift my pointer finger to type. 
12. Why the hell is the Raindrop Cake so popular? It's just Jell-O devoid of personality.

And finally, can someone schlep down to my apartment with a half-gallon of Blue Bell Rocky Road ice cream? Oh wait, you can't. Because I don't live in Texas anymore. . . Yeah, Texans don't mess around with pints. We enjoy life.

-Em

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