Monday, November 24, 2014



We are days away from Thanksgiving, or as it is more commonly known: the first day of Christmas Shopping! Some historians note that this was also a day in which our ancestors would also gather together with their families and eat a meal of turkey, cranberry sauce, and bread stuffed in turkey (I forget what that was called). Anyway, it sounds super lame!

We hope you will be using this Thanksgiving to-of course, buy an off-brand Blu-Ray player for five bucks-but also to relax and take some time for you. What's that? You have work, family, and social obligations to get through on top of the mulitple term papers that are due in about three weeks? Well, that's cool, too!

As you may know, classes for Spring are up on Cunyfirst, so definitely check those out and decide what you want to torture yourself with, er..., learn in the coming semester. Registration is right around the corner so go in prepared!

Not sure what you need to take to fulfill your major? Swing by the English Major's counseling office (Boylan 3416) and we will help to set you on the right track!

And if everything seems just a bit too stressful, just try rubbing a toothbrush across your head*:

*we may be English Majors, but we are not made of stone, dammit!

This week in NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

The world right now is a complete mess. We are on the brink of war, as per usual, we may be killing off all of the world's animals, and Emperor Obama is letting immigrants stay in America just because they are children fleeing war torn countries in South America. The one thing we can count on, though, is the gentle, good natured humor of America's favorite funny man and TV Dad, Bill Cosb…Aw, crap! What. The. Hell?

That's it; check, please! I am done, people! I simply refuse to live in a world where Bill Cosby is a serial rapist. Uh-uh, not going to do it. Do you have any idea what mental gymnastics I have already had to put myself through just to be okay with Woody Allen? Hell,  I'm still not sure if I am okay with him, but since lack of further evidence has surfaced, I have been able to stuff all of my doubts about him deep, deep into my soul right next to the racist minstrel caricatures that pop up in Looney Tunes cartoons.

So, that's it, people! I hope everything turns out well, but I am finished. The very last fibre of hope I had for humanity has been completely disintegrated. I have packed a rucksack, purchased a shotgun, and will be hitchhiking up to a secluded cabin in the Adirondack's by the time you see this. I just can't conceive of any possible way my faith in humanity can be restored at this point. There is just no way that…wait, what is this?

The Eric Idle penned finale to Monty Python's classic comedy, The Life of Brian, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" is the number one song played at funerals in the UK? Does this mean to say that even in the face of death itself, we can find the means to stare right back into the abyss of nothingness and stand our ground with a hearty laugh? Perhaps, even, that the ability to find the humor in a seemingly meaningless world is the only sure defense against its oppressive darkness?

Well, I don't know much about that, but it's enough to put a smile on my face! I hope it works for you, too!


                                                    African Elephants going Extinct

Last year, over 35,000 elephants across Africa’s continent were killed for their ivory (tusks and teeth). An Elephant’s ivory is highly valued as a luxury good, often carved and sold as jewelry, ornaments, hair pins, trinkets and other gift items.  China is one of the major players of importing ivory from Africa for sale.

If the killing of Elephants continue at this rate, it is predicted that by 2020- African elephants will be completely extinct. This is not only shockingly soon, but extremely sad. Elephants are considered to be “gentle giants”, they are magnificent creatures who have the ability to empathize and protect their surrounding environment.


There is a major elephant poaching problem in Africa. Poachers use various methods to kill elephants, ranging from shooting them with machine guns to trapping and poisoning them. Rory Young, a well-known African ranger, has been traveling around the continent with hopes to spread awareness and hold anti-poaching campaigns. Aside from losing a beautiful specie, Young speaks about the importance of protecting elephants for the environment. He explains, “Elephants are a keystone species. They have a profound effect on the ecosystem. If you protect an elephant, you protect the environment and all the animals around them.”

Young believes that it takes a collective effort to prevent elephant extinction. The government should take measures to prevent poaching, China should rethink purchasing illegal ivory, educational systems should teach the children, the villagers- why this is wrong. Responsibility should be taken on all sides to fix this problem.

Even though I’ve only seen an elephant once or twice in my life, it saddens me to think that their existence is diminishing. Instead of appreciating and protecting these beautiful creatures, they are being mercilessly killed for monetary benefits.
Something is very wrong here.